Lawyer, McKenzie Friend, or Self-Represent

Which support actually helps in family court—and which doesn’t.

By Ophelia Mills — former Cafcass Family Court Adviser, qualified barrister (non-practising)

Family court isn’t somewhere people plan to be—least of all around Christmas. You’re here because communication has collapsed, and the “let’s just be civil” experiment failed. Now you’re staring at Form C100 wondering whether to hire a lawyer, rely on a McKenzie Friend, or represent yourself in family court.

The Lawyer Option: Expensive, Strategic, Occasionally Useful

Hiring a lawyer is like hiring a plumber for a flood you didn’t cause. They know the system. They speak the language. They can stop you from writing things like “my ex is a narcissist” or “I’m the better parent” — lines that feel cathartic at midnight but read as unhelpful in front of a judge who wants dates, examples, and a child-first plan.

But lawyers are expensive. That’s why many parents end up facing family court without a lawyer, even when the stakes feel impossibly high. And unless you qualify for legal aid (means-tested and usually requiring evidence of domestic abuse or child-protection risk), you’ll be paying privately. It’s common to spend several thousand pounds if a case runs to multiple hearings.

Pros: Strategy, drafting, advocacy

Cons: Price, variable empathy.

The McKenzie Friend Option: Cheaper, Variable, Sometimes Brilliant

If you’re asking yourself, ‘Do I need a McKenzie Friend?’, the answer depends entirely on the quality of the one you find. McKenzie Friends are unregulated. Some are excellent—former professionals, or calm hands who know the process. Others are less excellent—armed with hashtags.... YouTube channels.

A McKenzie Friend can’t usually speak for you in court, but they can prepare you, take notes, and keep you steady when your ex reads out accusations. The good ones are worth their weight in gold. The bad ones will have you filing arguments that read like Reddit threads.  And if their advice includes “Just tell the judge you’re being alienated and show them your Instagram story,” it’s time to walk away.

Pros: Affordable, supportive, often child-focused

Cons: No regulation, variable competence, occasional courtroom chaos

The TikTok/Chat GPT Option: Fast, Familiar, Not Quite Enough

When you’re stuck, the internet feels like a lifeline. TikTok offers bite-sized advice. ChatGPT gives you a draft in seconds. Reddit tells you you’re being alienated. It’s quick, reassuring, and better than staring at a blank screen.

But it won’t help when your ex calls you “controlling” because you suggested school-gate handovers, and you have to sit there pretending not to react. It won’t help when your ex accuses you of being “volatile at handover” while the reality was you standing in the rain as they filmed you on their phone.

Solidarity online is one thing. In court, you need dates, evidence, and composure.

Practical Help, In and Out of Court

With 23 years as a Cafcass Family Court Adviser and as a qualified non-practising barrister, I help parents avoid court where possible with clear, workable plans. And if it does reach a hearing, I can support you directly as your McKenzie Friend.

Book a free call to check your options and plan the next steps.

Book a free call